90 Seconds

The outpouring of your comfort through email, text, personal conversation, cards, gifts. and phone call after I shared the loss of my favorite aunt has been overwhelmingly kind. I’m truly a blessed woman and thankful for receiving such loving expressions of support.

As you probably already know, grief is unpredictable. Research shows that it follows a general pattern of denial, anger, bargaining, depression then acceptance. But because it’s non-linear emotions can be chaotic. One day I feel like sadness wants to swallow me alive then the next day I’m angry that grief can be so inconvenient and insensitive. One minute I’m irritable and the next minute my tears are disproportionate to the situation.

Therapists share that it only takes 90 seconds for emotions to move through us. You can spare 90 seconds for your emotional health, right? Emotions provide information, but so many of us were not taught growing up how to have a healthy relationship with our emotions. We sometimes try to stay in control by dismissing it. It doesn’t work but we trick ourselves because we lack time or skills to properly deal with it. Just like a dormant volcano though, emotions will eventually erupt, even if it’s a few decades later. At other times it controls us. Indulging in self-pity, we sometimes go into mental loops and all sorts of addictions. Let’s not make emotions dictate our decisions.

What if we tune in to the information our emotions are trying to communicate to us for just 90 seconds? We feel it, not judge it, be curious why it’s wanting to be invited, then kindly say goodbye in less than 2 minutes?

Think about the alternative:

Underlying or obvious irritability or impatience,

An explosion of disproportionate emotion,

Numbness - the inability to feel - because it hurts too much

I can go on but you get the point. No, thank you. So I’ve been practicing 90 second pauses when strong emotions come knocking on my heart’s door. Experimenting, this is what’s working for me and I invite you to adapt it to your liking.

When I can, I kneel and incorporate the 90 seconds into a prayer. I accept the emotion as a gift of information. I thank God for the ability to feel because to the extent that I feel pain is to the degree that I feel joy. I identify why I have that particular emotion, practice curiosity and compassion instead of judgment. I then let go by casting it to the Lord, knowing He cares for me. All in 90 seconds.

The result?

A bit more soul nourishment.

A little more wholeness.

Bit by bit, little by little, there’s more shalom.

Make your 90 seconds count.