Masks
We came back Monday afternoon after a refreshing weekend retreat near Canada. What I love about the group I was with is we can take off our masks and what’s communicated is, “I love you more for not pretending. I accept you where you are, and yet value you too much to let you stay there.” It’s the healthiest community I have where I'm surrounded by people with similar hearts but sharpen me because they lovingly shed light on my blind spots. I'm better with them in my life and I consider them some of my biggest gifts. As a whole, we aren't afraid of conflict. We can disagree, bring up concerns, challenge each other’s thinking, and because everyone cares more about the relationship than being right, I don’t ever fear that I will be loved and accepted less. Through the Leadership Game, we assessed how we're doing as a team, built one another up, and discussed further areas of growth.
As we were getting ready to go home on Monday, I received some heartbreaking news. My favorite aunt died. The 8th death in my life in less than a year. I was going to write about something else this week but this loss has sidetracked me. Today I found myself weepy, wondering when these painful losses will stop. I wasn’t present with my children and I was holding back tears. But the tears refused to stay hidden and my kids noticed. I removed my mask and told them how sad I was. That I can’t focus. That I’m having a hard time concentrating on the responsibilities before me. That I’m hurting.
How they met me in my vulnerability was a huge surprise. They encouraged me to grieve and cry. Expressed love for me with physical affection. Released me from being "on". Showed support by gathering comforting bible verses and read them over me. Healing words like, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” It was beautiful. I would’ve missed it if I had stayed hidden. If I didn’t show my fragility. If I kept pushing through and wearing my "strong" mask.
I’ve lived long enough to know that vulnerability can be used against us. That’s why so many keep wearing masks because at one point, their display of weakness resulted in negative consequences:
Rejection
Disapproval
Treated as not good enough (AKA shame)
Let's definitely be wise as we display vulnerability. In this imperfect world, some people are unhealthy and will use the admission of our humanness as a weapon for their gain. Wisdom will help us test the waters and see what certain people can handle. When we find those who love us (just as much if not more) when they know the authentic us, weakness and all, we have found a real treasure. As Timothy Keller says:
“To be loved and not known is shallow.
To be known and not loved is scary.
To be known and loved…well...that’s a lot like Jesus.”
Let’s not let our masks be one of those 2-inch, unseen gaps, robbing us of intimacy in relationships because we're too scared to be known and loved. I’m praying for you to be known and loved.
